Hank: “You say capital is not of recollect to you. A king of my superiority should not find this surprising, for we were both brought up with sand where food should have been. I, however, have broken away from mediocrity while you have the unfortunate pleasure of living a peasant life.”
Duke: “Ape It All sounds rather particular, Hank. What is it?”
“Capital is money. Every man and women need it to survive. Without it, man goes crazy like an addict yanked from his/her fix.”
“Sounds delicious. I thank you for taking interest.”
“Do not thank me, for nothing of value can be found within this speech. Money, or as you say ‘Ape It All’, has done nothing but decrease the intellect of the human.”
“I don’t think so, but that’s just me.”
“Of course you do not see how they step over one another to make a profit, or how they lie and manipulate one another just to gain power no matter how invisible.”
“I think you could use a Twinkie.”
“They’re cannibals, Duke. No wonder why I curse the name squire. People dislike others who swim around in money just to gloat. The greedy ones talk behind other people’s back creating animosity so palpable you can cut it with a knife.”
“That’s a little silly coming from you, king brother. I could call you names but then you would get mad and say not so nice things back.”
“I am the name and face of Lugnut, the most influential tribe on Planet Earth. We do not rule by money for there is no need. Why man cannot mimic me is a wonder all its own. I rule with an iron fist for rest should not know me until Lugnut is known the world over.”
“Ape It All can’t be all bad, Hank. I see happy times instead of sad faces.”
“It’s the worse invention ever constructed.”
“So, do you want a Twinkie?”
“To hell with your Twinkie, for this is a serious matter. As much as I hate concurring with you, some good can be found in money. It does a lot of charitable things for the communities it’s in. Homes are built, food cropped and picked and consumed, hospitals constructed, jobs created, schools mapped out. And those are just some of the many works of money.”
“Then you don’t dislike?”
“I do not nor cannot like or wish to, however I would not ever invite man to the banquet of kings.”
“Many bright, fantastic colors swirling.”
“You will never change.”
“Not out of this here hat, no sir. Can we go to Lully Hood now?”
“Let us pull together the necessary supplies before venturing west. California is not like any other place, for it is far removed. If that is where you want to go then it is there we travel. Come, and let us scurry aboard a train.”
“Loud noises talk to me sometimes. They have names, too. One is called Sally and the other is Jan, or something.”
“Heavens me.”
Hank and Duke at a Train Station
Tags: California, commentary, duke, fiction, hank, Hollywood, humor, squirrels, trains, travel, writing
Posted in Commentary, Fiction, Film, Humor, Money, Trains, Travel, Writing | 1 Comment »
Duke: “Solid stuff hammered into the ground thing. What is it, Hank?”
Hank: “Those are rails, for it is what trains travel on.”
“I don’t get it.”
“Think of it like a large car scurrying down the road.”
“Why doesn’t it put rubber on its feet like the rest?”
“Trains are the way of kings. We should not partake in such outlandish activity. Slip rubber on the wheels like the rest, just who are you?”
“Me, I’m Duke Something McOthers, or something. What does that make you, Hank, and what’s a heels?”
“Not heels, you vegetable hawes, but wheels.”
“Hank, you went and say a muddy, ruddy word.”
“I did not stain this soil with such demeaning speech, but believe what you will. If wheels were never invented, man could not get from point A to B.”
“Can’t get from B to A, but how come I did in one sitting?”
“Your intellect is astounding.”
“Why, thank you Hank. I love you too.”
“Quick, here comes a train. You best keep quiet so we can hitchhike aboard this bullet heading west.”
“Someone’s shooting us?”
“I best throw you in front.”
“In front of what?”
“Are we to board this fleeting giraffe?”
“We’re on a safari now, neat. Do you think we will find kitty then?”
“I said pipe down.”
“No, you said we’ll find kitty.”
“Stop this nonsense.”
“Hey, that hurt or something. I bruise easy.”
“Then zip your chattering lip and it will not happen again.”
“I can zip it, like a jacket?”
“Here it comes now croutch low.”
“Don’t think I’m aerodynamic whatever that means.”
“Quiet.”
“Why are you still hitting me?”
“Only when I say jump shall you move. Abstain for fifteen seconds, fourteen; thirteen; seven; twelve; five. Jump.”
“How come?”
“Because Lully Hood awaits.”