Hank: “It’s rather difficult to explain politics, Duke, however the world in which we live would be an unruly place had it not exist. The very thought of such a world is conducive to one’s health.”
Duke: “What about Politiski?”
“It’s an important investment we best stay away from abolishing.”
“Why’d anyone polish it?”
“Don’t you listen to a word I say?”
“I’ve heard many words, but I can’t see them. Why’s that, Hank?”
“Speech is an invisible quality first installed by those who molded it.”
“But, what about Politiski?”
“I’ve already told you the simplified translation, and have given my thoughts.”
“Don’t remember that one, Hank. All I listened to spun around something called concussive or something. How does it work?”
“It works better than that blockhead of yours, that is for sure.”
“I’m a block?”
“Indefinitely.”
“Is that about it on Politiski, Hank?”
“Politics, you transparent rogue. No, that is only the beginning for if you want to really know about it you best listen.”
“I’m putting my ears on my feet, Hank. They are too heavy so if you talk, bend over.”
“Unlawful puritan, there is much to know. We’ve already discussed the two main parties.”
“And their petting zoos, right Hank? I wanna go.”
“You best go and stop speaking out of turn. I’ll have your neck the next time.”
“I’ll hand it to you, Hank, if you want. It bothers me a little when I see it, but that isn’t all the time.”
“I am well aware of your troubles, dearest brother, and will gladly take them off your hands when you are serious.”
“Cereal, I don’t know.”
“Where were we.”
“You said something about petting zoos, flying zebras, monkeys, raccoons, and all sorts of stuff. And then I remember you saying something like Politiski is a fun idea, or something. What kind of shenanigans is this when animals are roaming around?”
“A mighty mess needing a fix. I guess that’s your cue, Mr. President.”
“I’m not a Q, I think. I wanna know more.”
“Okay then, we will discuss the post-election and how everything works.”
“I’m no electrician, Hank, but would’ve picked and chosen from it. That’s all my fault.”
“As I was saying, we the people choose government officials to repair this place every couple of years. If it does not work out within the first two years, we go back to the polling stations and pick again. Here’s how it breaks down, try to keep pace. From the White House to Congress to Senate, elected officials get a total of twenty-four months to make things right. If they do, they get another twelve months. When it’s all said and done for the elephants, let’s say, the donkeys take over and try to improve on what the elephants did. If they can, another twelve months is awarded. If they can’t, all is done. Then it’s election time once again. The next group that comes in has an arduous task ahead of them, trying to erase what the past elect did so to stamp their own legacy at their own expense. The winner of that election gets two full years to prove themselves. If they do, another twelve months is awarded and so on. Is it possible that I have caused you to short-circuit? Put your tongue back into your mouth and answer me for I cannot afford to bury a brother, at least not while we are partaking in holiday.”
“That sure was a lot of letters to digest all at once, Hank, but I ate each one of them and now am tired.”
“Are you sure politics is right for you, for it requires lots of dedication and time.”
“The judge and jury are snacking at the moment, whatever that means. I don’t know how to juggle, Hank, so I don’t think I’d be a correct fit. That’s a real let down let me tell you. I think I’ll stick to leading you, Hank. Yes, me and kitty will show you the way. Can we find the kitty?”
“No flea tickled cat shall ever trespass on my greatness again.”
“You’re a sourpuss let me tell you, or something. What should we do next then?”
“I lay my ear to gentle information surfacing beneath my stringent brow, for I hear there is a picture show in town.”
“I like riding on picture books, Hank, really. Can we go look?”
“We shall, now let’s go.”
Hank and Duke at the Movies: The Dark Knight Rises (parody)
Tags: alfred, Anne Hathaway, Bane, batman, BFF, bruce wayne, Catwoman, Christian Bale, Christopher Nolan, commentary, creative writing, DC Comics, duke, fiction, film, Gotham City, hank, humor, lucius fox, morgan freeman, movie theatres, MST3K, parody, squirrels, the dark knight rises, Tom Hardy, trilogy, wayne enterprises, youtube
Posted in Commentary, Fiction, Film, Humor, Writing | 13 Comments »
Duke: “I can’t wait for this picture thing to start moving, Hank. I’ve been tickled a little since you’ve told me about it.”
Hank: “Quiet you buffoon, or else we will miss the opening credits. We don’t want to be the ones interrupting the mass population down below.”
“What’s below?”
“Squires, people and families of related people.”
“I don’t see nothing except blackness, Hank. Why’s that?”
“Because the light ran off once it knew you were an idiot. Now, keep your tongue still or so help me.”
“What’s there to help with, how many acorns do we have to wrangle?”
“About fifteen dozen if you were wondering. Now, silence is to be your name for a movie is unfolding before our very eyes. It has been one of great hype and expectation.”
“I thought I was Duke or something. Are you sure this is the right phlegm, Hank?”
“Of course this is the right film, peasant brother, for it involves a walking bat impeccably dressed in cow leather. The other even went out of his way to fashion an extraterrestrial face. He is rather scary, isn’t he?”
“He’s funny actually, Hank. I’d pet him. Don’t know why you had to put him down like that.”
“He seems a bit preoccupied at the moment, dear brother.”
“But I want to pet him, really.”
“Then make like a bird and fly your way through that silver contraption we have the honor of being in front of.”
“We’re actually below it, even though I see it straight ahead.”
“That must mean we are diameters from it, Duke.”
“What’s a dime?”
“Can you just keep quiet so we can watch this disaster of a flick.”
“I don’t like bats though, Hank, so I pretty much won’t like anything. Bats are flying rodents with flappers attached if you wanted to know.”
“Why on earth are they on a swing? There is supposed to be blood and mass chaos.”
“I like their blend of Film noir myself. Look, kitty came back; she’s taking a water break in a bath tub or something.”
“That is just an actor portraying a cat for film’s sake.”
“Who has a stomach ache? I like ribs too. Pick me for the next housing waitress, Mr. crooked nose bat. Remember that one time we got stuck in that rock opening and the bat-something flew in? You were so scared its delicious.”
“I never show fear.”
“Baloney, Hank. What a load of malarkey, Archie.”
“Blubbering fool, you’ve made us miss the entire première.”
“It’s okay, sourpuss, we can have it packaged to us. How come kitty was in there, Hank? I told you kitty was something to someone. Boy, did that part throw me off.”
“I am curious about what circulates through your head.”
“Is my head really a circus, Hank? Dinosaurs cross my mind every so often since you wanted to know. I like the S shape the Brontosaurus makes with its neck. Hank, how come kitty was in the picture and why was water covering? I’m blown away. I give that picture eight gold stars out of seven.”
“For the first time ever, my reply will not form. What we just saw is often called a scam in its truest form. This on-screen play did not feature the celebrities of today, for it was a second-rate knock off and nothing more.”
“You’re the shade of a red flower now, Hank. I have my doubts this was what you said this was.”
“Believe you me the real production is quite marvelous, even though it revolves around pesky rodents and supernatural forces of which have left their mark on society. Now, let us leave this ragged disease and focus our efforts on finding a way home.”
“Who do I put my trust in, Hank, since you said you’re not my go-to something. By the way, what’s an anchor? You said that kitty was traded by an anchor or something, so what is it?”
“I said the cat was portrayed by an actor which is another term for celebrity.”
“I dislike celery very much now.”
“Now I suppose we must cover that before finding a way home.”
“We should call ourselves ‘don’t know where we are nincompoop’.”
“By god, you are an idiot. Let us get down from this beam so we can discuss the matter at hand.”